whiteshroud | Krusnik Kids Group Chat

You see me fucking laughing? I'm gonna throw his ass into the harbor once this is all done.

[Grumble grumble making him look stupid grumble...

Honestly the anger was performative as much as it was habitual because this was all stuff Ragna had seen before. Stuff too recently familiar as well as familiar from his past. His family practically had to live in a hospital waiting room for a few weeks at one point because none of them would dare leave his baby sister on her own. And even if his mom and little brother did, Ragna wouldn't. Fuck school, fuck work.

He just wished this lump in his throat would go away.]

I knew damn well he wouldn't leave you alone, but he still has to sleep. Dumbass... I'll hang around here 'till he kicks me out or something.

[I'm not gonna leave you behind, in other words. If he were in less distress internally he'd treat it like such a pain in his ass. But it wasn't the time for that. Even if Harumasa would be cleared by afternoon with strong meds and stronger words.]

[Harumasa can't help laughing at that, though he coughs almost immediately. Still, he's grinning in amusement despite the pain. Small flecks of blood are on his palms as he takes his hands away from his mouth, and he wipes away the blood with one of the tissues his nurses left for him.]

Usually it's me you guys wanna throw into the harbor! Guess Jun has another thing in common with me, haha....

[He smiles, though.]

You won't get kicked out. I want you here.

[It's easy to admit that. The hard part... is that there is a question that gets stuck in his throat.

"Can you hold my hand?"

In his heart of hearts, he's terrified. Having just that small bit of human contact and warmth would help beat back the fear just a little bit. Just a little... but also just enough. He's scared of being alone in this place, even though he knows the doctors are working hard to help him. Even though he knows (thinks?) that nobody will abandon him because his illness has reached a point where it's too hard to love him. Leaving means that they don't love him anymore, but coming here and staying... that means they do love him, right?

But the words of that question hurt like shards of heated glass as they stick in his throat. Harumasa likes to think he's brave. However, when it comes to this, he's terrified. Like a stray cat that's been hurt too many times.

So, instead, he continues smiling and he doesn't ask that question. He just says something else.]

I didn't know you could fly! When were you gonna tell me that?! You're holding out on me, Ragna!

Jesus Christ... You're brothers through and through, alright.

[Yeah, Ragna saw those flecks of blood and it just made him more tense. Made that scared teen in the back of his mind wanna scream louder. He's playing a delicate game of acting normal (slightly irritated) and being calm for everyone else that might come in.

He wouldn't dare let his breathing hitch even a second despite how much it wanted to. Hitch turns into a full stumble and no hospitalized motherfucker wants to see that. Harumasa was anxious as it was, he can cover with humor all he wanted Ragna was an idiot not stupid.

He's gotta stay strong for Harumasa.

... No, no for everyone, right? Ugh, anyway... Ragna leaned back into the seat he took, trying to get as comfortable as he could for a long stay. He wasn't a words kinda guy, always action with him. The small ways of him saying "I'm staying, don't worry, you won't be alone."]

How the hell's that "holding out on you"? People get weird fucking powers here all the time. The only reason this one's less weird is 'cause it came from Venti, but I swear to god a few months ago I watched fire come out of my hands! It's a day ending in Y for god's sake.

[Don't ask him how he handled the sudden fire at the time but he's used to it now.]

I'll take that as a compliment~

[The small things help in big ways. He feels more reassured when he sees Ragna getting comfortable in the hospital chair. Thus, Harumasa will continue to verbally poke at his friend.]

Okay, but, counterpoint, flying is the best ability! I got wings that can fly suddenly, so did you get that, too, or is this a Superman thing?

[....]

Giving you sudden fire conjuring sounds like a cosmic "fuck you, specifically."

The tail was enough of a pain in the ass for my clothes, if I get wings too I'm gonna find the son of a bitch in charge of this place and start invoicing them for the fucking tailor.

[So a Superman thing or else Ragna would be complaining a lot louder. Bringing up the irony of him having fire made that lump in his throat threaten to choke him more given his phobia. Thank god it was just a little fire.]

No shit. If it was more than like a match's worth I would have been even more pissed off. Some asshole is having a great big laugh at my expense and when I find them I'm gonna kick their ass.

[The fact the tips of his hair look singed with a blueish black color doesn't help things. He got his eye color back to normal but noooo, fuck with his hair more universe.

... Maybe it was his own anxiety, the sake of his own comfort as much as for Harumasa's. To remind them both that they're not alone. But Ragna lifted his left arm a bit, slightly tense initially. Old habits were hard to break and of all people he wanted Harumasa especially to not touch his old right arm.

He was hesitant because of that habit, but after reminding himself neither of his arms would hurt anyone anymore he laid his real hand on Harumasa's arm with a light grip.]

... I'm not going anywhere.

[He chuckles at that, doing his best to not fully laugh.]

Sure, sure, I know I had to get all my clothes tailored after getting my tail and wings. I had to space it out a bit to afford all of that without breaking the bank too badly.

Anyway, maybe you should cozy up with someone who uses Water magic~ That might help a bit!

[Harumasa might keep on that topic, but he pauses when he suddenly feels Ragna's hand on his arm. He looks a little surprised. However, his expression soon changes to sincere gratitude. He drops his pen onto the bed to reach over and cover Ragna's hand with his own. His voice is uncharacteristically small when he says:]

Thanks. It... means a lot.

[He's quiet for another second. With a glance toward his sleeping brother, Harumasa keeps his voice low and quiet to avoid being overheard. Or try to, anyway. He doesn't want his siblings to panic more, and... Well. Ragna can probably empathize with what he's about to admit.]

I can't hear him anymore. It's like he's there, but he's very far away. It's... a bit too quiet in my head, you know?

Don't mention it.

[Feeling Harumasa's hand on his was strange. It was like this worry in him both settled and swelled at the same time. Both of them agreeing that he has to find something out there to give Harumasa more time.

He didn't care about his own time. He didn't have hope for himself. But he did for Harumasa. Something about the guy just brought up that warm hopeful feeling Ragna thought he'd lost on the day that he lost everything.

As for him not hearing his possessor's voice. God was the concern getting louder. If Ragna wasn't well practiced he would have cracked a long time ago. Maybe a small sign of the tension he felt was the grip on Harumasa's arm getting just a bit tighter. Something for both of their comfort in some weird ass way.]

Yeah. I know how that is. [...] Hell, I'm still not used to the quiet...

[Feeling the tightened grip on his arm has Harumasa tightening his own grip, as if to silently say that he's still here. He sighs softly.]

Can't blame you.

[He hesitates.]

It's... Lonely, too. I know I shouldn't be so attached to a god, especially a Greek god, but... Apollo was all I had for so long. They wouldn't even let me see the other kids in the facility, and the doctors that came in never talked to me, other than some medical questions.

[Harumasa closes his eyes. He has a hard time admitting just how much he depends on Apollo. It's never just been about being kept alive through the sun god's help.]

Sorry, I must seem pretty needy or pathetic that it's bothering me this much.

Don't be stupid. You're gonna get used to someone being around even if they're in your head like a possessor. I just told you I did too, didn't I? Aoko was annoying and loud and interrupted my damn life all the time. But she was always there.

And you and Apollo get along, it's not rocket science to imagine that it's worse for you.

[He unconsciously squeezed tighter.]

... You know how damn long it took me to trust that I wasn't gonna lose everyone in the blink of an eye? ... I still don't know if I do trust it.

I just know myself. I know I say what I mean. So when I say I'm not going anywhere, I'm not going anywhere. Alright?

[Some of the defensive tension leaves Harumasa's body as Ragna continues. He's incredibly grateful for the understanding. When his friend starts to go on about trust, the young archer opens his eyes and glances up at him. It's an unusually vulnerable look for Harumasa, but given the circumstances....

Ragna's not going anywhere. He means it. It's a promise. He's staying.

For a moment, Harumasa is quiet. Then, he gives Ragna a small yet genuine smile.]

Alright. I'm trusting you.

[It's more than enough. But, now that they've lingered for long enough on this heavy topic, Harumasa will change it to something lighter.]

Wanna see how fast I can go through this sudoku book?

[That kind of look just means Ragna had less work to drive the point home. It brought a smile of his own, rare as they might be. Has he smiled at all around Harumasa or has he always done it after the idiot left the room or over voice or whatever.

Whatever, didn't matter.

It just sort of made a previously subconscious thought flip to his consciousness for a split second.

Ragna, personally, did not want to lose Harumasa.

He scoffed a bit of a laugh and shrugged his other arm.]

Pfft. Fuck it, why not? It's not like I've got anything else to do. [Except hold Haru's arm still but shh.]

[Harumasa's not about to bring attention to Ragna still holding into his arm. It helps to ground him. But seeing that rare smile on Ragna's face... he can admit that it gives him some butterflies. However, it mostly just makes him happy. Whatever happens, Harumasa's happy that he got to see this. It's just a pity that he can't take a picture of it right now to preserve the memory.

Still, with his friend on board with the plan, he grins as wide and sunny as he usually does.]

Excellent! Let's pick a hard one to give me a little bit of a challenge~

[And he'll happily go through the sudoku book at an impressive speed. For such a lazy man, he's clearly very good at logic puzzles like this.]

[Something about how bright Harumasa smiled made Ragna remember how out of place he was in the light. Just because Venti taught him how to walk in it without rejection didn't mean he was used to it.

The problem with the sun was that it was bright. And that it was warm. Both of which Ragna was still getting used to.

Is this hospital room real warm or something, what gives...

Surprisingly he watched Harumasa go through the book with few if any words until he was done. It was a hospital after all and also there was an eepy beepy little brother right in the corner.]

Holy shit, Harumasa.

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okay you know what TW: abandonment, blood, and thoughts of death for the whole thread

tw: yeah what she said........

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