[Jun will be quiet as Harumasa talks about his concerns with starting a new relationship. Honestly... he gets it. Maybe not in the sense of being ill, but he definitely remember his own fears asking so much from his partners.]
Mm... I understand the concern. Before Varian and I realized our feelings, I was considering joining the clergy. It seemed safer than expecting someone to deal with everything I do. Sometimes, I still feel a little guilty for all the ways I can't be a normal partner for Varian. [He knows better than to try to break up the relationship over it, that logically- Varian doesn't mind. But still, the feeling sticks with him.] In your case, I'm not sure what the right answer is. No wonder you need to think about it.
[Because it's a complicated issue. Jun is very aware about the concerns of Haru's lifespan, even if neither of them are voicing it. It's just... less painful that way.
And speaking of complicated issues... he listens quietly to Harumasa explain his past life. It makes his heart hurt, knowing his brother suffered twice through such situations. He deserved so much better. ]
... That sounds complicated, to have the person who loved and cared for you also be the one to exploit you. I'm not sure how I'd feel.
[It's an honest statement. Jun, even in this lifetime, was rather simplistic when it came to his feelings towards people. He saw his loved ones in the best of light, even if he was aware of their flaws. When his siblings or Varian did something to aggravate him, he forgave within minutes. But for a loved one to cause that level of harm, while also still loving you.... Jun's not sure how he'd handle that.
He goes quiet again for a moment, having an internal conflict of if he should share his own past. It wasn't something he's really shared with anyone outside his therapist, not even Varian. The pressure put on him to remain quiet still loomed large, even though he was in another life and world where the Orden didn't exist. Even now, with his brother who's understand better than anyone, he thinks of reasons to keep his mouth shut. And had Haru not shared that part of his past.... he probably would have.
...]
... My past life was similar, but I didn't have a figure like that. The Spirit Realm in that world was much more volatile and dangerous... so they needed people who could fight against it. People who would do whatever it took to prevent a calamity from occurring.
So, the Orden raised me to be just that. And... I suppose so I wouldn't stray from the path, they had me avoid forming any emotional attachments - citing them as obstacles.
[He takes a sharp intake of breath] Even when the Lord showed me love when we first met.... I didn't understand it, not until years later when I managed to make some friends during a mission.
You, Ana and the others... you saved me from a reliving a life like that.
cw: emotional abuse
Mm... I understand the concern. Before Varian and I realized our feelings, I was considering joining the clergy. It seemed safer than expecting someone to deal with everything I do. Sometimes, I still feel a little guilty for all the ways I can't be a normal partner for Varian. [He knows better than to try to break up the relationship over it, that logically- Varian doesn't mind. But still, the feeling sticks with him.] In your case, I'm not sure what the right answer is. No wonder you need to think about it.
[Because it's a complicated issue. Jun is very aware about the concerns of Haru's lifespan, even if neither of them are voicing it. It's just... less painful that way.
And speaking of complicated issues... he listens quietly to Harumasa explain his past life. It makes his heart hurt, knowing his brother suffered twice through such situations. He deserved so much better. ]
... That sounds complicated, to have the person who loved and cared for you also be the one to exploit you. I'm not sure how I'd feel.
[It's an honest statement. Jun, even in this lifetime, was rather simplistic when it came to his feelings towards people. He saw his loved ones in the best of light, even if he was aware of their flaws. When his siblings or Varian did something to aggravate him, he forgave within minutes. But for a loved one to cause that level of harm, while also still loving you.... Jun's not sure how he'd handle that.
He goes quiet again for a moment, having an internal conflict of if he should share his own past. It wasn't something he's really shared with anyone outside his therapist, not even Varian. The pressure put on him to remain quiet still loomed large, even though he was in another life and world where the Orden didn't exist. Even now, with his brother who's understand better than anyone, he thinks of reasons to keep his mouth shut. And had Haru not shared that part of his past.... he probably would have.
...]
... My past life was similar, but I didn't have a figure like that. The Spirit Realm in that world was much more volatile and dangerous... so they needed people who could fight against it. People who would do whatever it took to prevent a calamity from occurring.
So, the Orden raised me to be just that. And... I suppose so I wouldn't stray from the path, they had me avoid forming any emotional attachments - citing them as obstacles.
[He takes a sharp intake of breath] Even when the Lord showed me love when we first met.... I didn't understand it, not until years later when I managed to make some friends during a mission.
You, Ana and the others... you saved me from a reliving a life like that.